It's almost the weekend again. Time for Filthy Friday again. Time for another one from my boss's dad again:
A priest checks into a hotel and tells the clerk: “I would like the porn disabled.”
The clerk responds: “Wow, you clergy sure have weird fetishes.”
Have a great weekend. Tip your bartender!
Happy New Year! I hope you all had a fun, safe, champagne-soaked night. Let's get right to it: the first Filthy Friday of 2009:
A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him." So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her." The boss says, "You screw your sister?" The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Have a good weekend and a great New Year!
Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful time relaxing, eating, giving, receiving - all that good stuff. In case I don't get a chance later, I want to wish you all an exciting New Year that brings you everything you're looking for.
Also, look for a few simple design changes to ChrisTheBartender sometime early in the new year. Gotta keep things interesting.
And looking back on the year, I want to say thanks to everyone who has read, watched, commented, told a friend, shared, or otherwise enjoyed a little fun with me here. Thanks for ponying up to my bar. I appreciate your interest and I hope I've been entertaining, if not a little educational.
I have one gift yet to give this season and that is one final Filthy Friday in 2008, courtesy of my good friend Tad in Duluth:
"What's the difference between a virgin and a washing machine?"
"A washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it."
Merry Christmas, have a great weekend, a great New Year's Eve, and a great new year!
Cheers,
Chris
Today's the day. The joke competition has ended and the results are in. Let me first say thank you for replenishing the coffers. I was impressed by both how dirty you really are and by the folks who sent jokes from across the globe. My readers are truly the best anyone could ask for.
It was tough call among the top few, but given my affinity for clergy humor, this one won me over. So, without any further ado, the winning submission from my boss's proud father Robin, and winner of the first official "Chris the Bartender" T-shirt:
Two nuns are riding their bicycles back to the Vatican using the back streets of Rome. One leans over to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other nun whispers, “It’s the cobblestones.”
Have a great weekend and a great holiday.
Cheers!
Ah, my faithful filthy friends... you never disappoint.
Since the contest began last week, I've heard some great ones from a bunch of you. I'm impressed by you sick bastards. Don't stop. Keep 'em coming.
The bar's been set pretty high by people like Robin, my boss's dad. Your son should be proud. However, today's Filthy Friday comes to you courtesy of Jamie Koeppler, whom I about to open the bar with in 10 minutes:
"So my wife wanted me to make love to her like they do in the movies... so I pulled out and came on her face. Apparently we watch different movies."
Also, don't forget to celebrate Prohibition Day today. It was only a scant 75 years ago today that our beloved grandparents won the fight... for our right... to party. If only huffing glue had been popular in the '30s, we might never have re-legalized alcohol. And I'd probably have ended up as a doctor instead. Thank god for grandpa.
(Side note to the folks at Brazen Careerist: You sure you're up for Filthy Friday's? Maybe you can nix my feed on Fridays. I promise I do good content the other days...;)
Have a great weekend. Tip your bartender!
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